CocoLoco
by Kream45
Summary: A new student, Sofia, is transfered to Hogwarts from a magic school in Cambodia. She strives to prove that she's a great person, despite the cultural differences.


**/This story is a proof that some people should not have acces to MS Word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/**

Sofia was waiting for a train on a trainstation in Cambodia. Her mom and dad were there to say farewell.

"Goodbye, Sofia!" her mom called, "Be nice and don't cause any trouble!"

"And remember to look both ways before you cross a street!" her dad added.

Sofia smiled at them.

"I'll be alright, see you next year!" she shouted, as the train moved, leaving Sofia's parents alone on the trainstation.

"… She's really gone." mom whispered.

"Yes." dad said.

"Hurray!"

"Yeaaah!"

"Now we can finally sell everything she owned and move out to a different country!" Sofia's mom suggested.

"You took these words right out of my mouth!" dad laughed.

Then they went back to their home, sold Sofia's stuff on ebay and used the money they made to buy a house in Antarctica, as far away from Sofia as possible.

In the meantime, Sofia was already making new friends on the train.

"Hi, my name is Sofia, and I really like coconuts." She said to some random person in the train.

"Oh, cool." The random guy replied, "Why is that?"

"They remind me of my father's balls." She stated.

"Oh." He said and moved a bit further away from Sofia.

Sofia looked at a girl with a smartphone.

"Hey there!" she greeted her, "What's that? Is that edible?"

The girl hid her smartphone in pocket.

"No, it's not."

"Oh, I see. We didn't have such things in my village. Our lives were all about eating, shitting and trying to survive in the middle of the jungle everyday."

"That sounds awful."

"No, it was wonderful! And the best thing was that whoever found the most fruits in the jungle, got to eat one manioc more for the dinner!"

"Cool."

Sofia noticed that the girl doesn't want to talk to her, and other people around somewhat disappeared. She decided she would go to sleep.

She woke up completely naked on some desert, in the middle of fucking nowhere, with no belongings and means of going back to civilization.

"Omg! How am I supposed to get to London now?" she cried.

Then Dumbledore popped up suddenly.

"Oh, there you are, girl!" he said, "We were awaiting your arrival in London, but you went missing! We had to actually spend our time to find you by using advanced magic. Do you know how much it costs?"

"Umm, nothing? It's magic, right?"

„Actually, yes. But imagine how difficult it was!"

"Ooh. What can I do to repay you?"

"Well… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Take a guess ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Sofia thought for a while and then realized what was going on.

"Oooh, I get it!" she said and approached Dumbledore.

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Here, take this!"

She said and gave him a coconut.

"Umm, that's not exactly what I wanted, and where did you even get it from?"

"I hid it in my afro."

"Oh."

"Anyway, shall we go to Hogwarts now?"

"Well, seeing that you don't understand what a lenny face means, I guess we should go to Hogwarts now."

Dumbledore grabbed Sofia (while making sure he's having a strong grip on her ass), and teleported to Hogwarts.

"There, we're here. I hope you will like it here..." Dumbledore said, but Sofia wasn't listening, because she was already making new friends.

"Hi guys, I'm Sofia, and I like coconuts!" she said to a group of three second-years. She was a fourth-year, btw.

"Wow! Look at those tits!" they yelled, and soon, every student was there to see Sofia's tits.

"Jesus Christ, girl! Put some clothes on!" Dumbledore shouted and casted a spell, which covered Sofia in a cool jacket and trousers.

The students were disappointed, cuz Sofia was about to do the biggest gangbang in the history.

Dumbledore teleported himself and Sofia to Gryffindor's room.

"This is your room, the girls' bedroom is upstairs, your things are already there, bye!" he explained and teleported somewhere.

Sofia approached some students who were sitting on a couch.

"Hey there, I'm Sofia and I was transferred here from a magic school in Cambodia!" she greeted them, smiling.

"Cool!" said one guy that looked just like Harry Potter, "My name's Harry, and this is Hermione and Ron."

"Sup!" Ron smiled.

"Nice to meet someone from another magic school!" Hermione exclaimed, "Can you tell us about your school?"

"Basically, we have three different classes we attend to: Coconut Magic, Dirt Magic and Sex Magic." Sofia counted on her fingers.

"What is Coconut Magic?" Harry asked.

„You literally shoot coconuts into your foes with a great speed, until they're destroyed."

"Oh."

"And what is that Dirt Magic?" Hermione asked.

„You literally use dirt as a weapon. You cast a spell, and a giant ball of dirt appears and shoots into your foe, until they're destroyed."

"… really?" Hermione was confused, „You don't use different types of spells for Coconut and Dirt Magic? Just summoning a big coconut/ball of dirt and shooting it?"

"Yup."

"._."

„Hey, but what about this whole Sex Magic? I'm curious what it does." Ron asked.

"Well… this one is kind of different."

"In what way?"

"You literally sex your opponent to death, or until they are so sexed that they can't take more sex." Sofia explained and everyone looked at her, confused.

"So, basically you're raping people?" Hermione questioned.

"Yes."

"And what does it have to do with magic?" Harry asked.

"Well, boys learn spells to increase their dick size for more damage, and girls learn how to kick boys in the balls, when they're trying to use that magic on them."

"Wait, so girls can't use sex magic to attack, only to defend?" Ron asked.

"Yes."

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard, I wish I could unhear that." Hermione flinched.

"Hermione, don't flip your shit." Ron said, "I think that's cool."

"So, you like the fact that boys can rape, and women can't?" Harry asked him.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, cool, me too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Hermione then got up.

"I'm sick of you, pervs, I'm going to bedroom, goodnight."

"Cya!" Sofia told her.

Sofia then sat between Harry and Ron.

"How about we have some fun?" Sofia suggested.

"Oh, so you play Magic the Gathering?" Harry asked.

"No? I meant something different."

„Oh, oh, I know!" Ron said, „You want to sneak out in the night and piss on the door of Snape's office?"

"Uhh, no."

"Well, I give up. Goodnight, Sofia!" Ron got up.

„Yeah, bye!" Harry added and then they went to sleep.

Sofia sighed and went to the bathroom. She took a giant shit, and the stink woke everyone up.

People woke up and went downstairs, to see who took that shit, but Sofia used a super-ultra-advanced spell to transform into a fly and flew upstairs into the bedroom, while everyone was wondering where's that little bastard who took that shit.

The days went by, and before you know it it was December.

Sofia woke up and remembered that it was the last day before coming back to families for Christmas. Though she didn't like her family, plus, she was informed by Dumbledore that her parents were killed and eaten by a polar bear. So she talked to Ron:

"Hey Ron, can I come to your house for Christmas?" she asked.

"No, I actually don't like you and you stink."

Then Sofia killed Ron with a machette, ate his carcass and shat on the leftovers. Then, she took his hair and added it to a previously prepared polyjuice potion. She drank it and transformed into Ron, and then she walked downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"Hey Ron, why do you stink so much today?" Harry asked.

"Well, I took a giant shit today morning, and I think I didn't wipe my ass correctly." Sofia/Ron answered.

"You're so pathetic." Hermione said, "You should clean yourself, and not assimilate with filth like some caveman. Or, like that Sofia, uhh."

"Shut up Hermione, nobody likes you." Sofia said, "Everytime you open your mouth, I want to punch you in the face."

Hermione started crying like a little bitch and ran away.

"Ron, that wasn't very nice of you." said Harry, seeing through a window that Hermione jumped from a bridge to her death, "You really should think about the consequences of your actions."

"Alright, but what you say to this?" Sofia replied and took out a wand from her pocket.

She shouted:

"Abracadabra Hocus Pocus!" and Harry was transformed into a pig. Sofia grabbed it and baked it and cooked a delicious bacon.

Then it turned out that it wasn't such a good idea to eat a whole pig. Sofia had to shit really fast, but she couldn't make it to a toilet, so she crapped on Ginny's bed.

"Omg, nobody can see this!" Sofia thought, "That would ruin my reputation!"

Then Sofia came up with a great idea to cover the shit with a blanket. Really smart, Sofia!

Suddenly Ginny entered the bedroom and sniffed the air.

"Why does it stink so fucking much in here?" she flinched.

"It's my shit, which I took on your bed... oops, that was supposed to be a secret, forget what I just said." Sofia said.

"You did WHAT?!" Ginny shouted and casted an Ass Explodus spell on Sofia, but she dodged it and casted Bombarda Maxima, and Ginny exploded into tiny little pieces.

Later, people admitted that Sofia should become the next Hokage, and she lived happily ever after in some dirty village in the woods ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

 **THE END**


End file.
